Is It Drafty In Here?

Breaking down the picks made in the first round of the NFL draft on Saturday:

1. Detroit Lions- QB Matthew Stafford (Georgia): Stafford could make as much as $78 million with a six-year contract in Detroit. However, the struggling Lions are going to make him earn it. Stafford will be expected to play both ways as a defensive back, and take the punting duties as well.
   
2. St. Louis Rams- OT Jason Smith (Baylor): For the second year in a row, the top two offensive tackles in the draft had the same last name: Jake and Chris Long last year and Jason and Andre Smith this year. Chipper and Andruw Jones are expected to go high next year.
3. Kansas City Chiefs- DE Tyson Jackson (LSU): Following in the giant footprints of DT Glenn Dorsey, Jackson is another LSU d-lineman to be taken in the first round. Actually, Jackson ran a 40-yard dash in 4.91 in comparison to Dorsey's 5.12, so he could be better.
   
4. Seattle Seahawks- OLB Aaron Curry (Wake Forest): Regarded as one of the best defensive players in the draft, Curry was the first of four ACC players to be taken in with the top 10 picks. No one could have guessed that based on the season the ACC just had.
   
5. New York Jets- QB Mark Sanchez (USC): Trading up to get the pick from the Browns, the Jets replace retired quarterback Brett Farve with Sanchez. With only 16 starts at Southern Cal, there are questions about Sanchez's expirence and the fact that he could throw parties with Matt Leinhart.
   
6. Cincinati Bengals- OT Andre Smith (Alabama): At least in Cincinati, Smith will think twice before taking his shirt off. Smith should become fast friends with Chad Ocho-Johnson, or what ever his name is.
   
7. Oakland Raiders- WR Darrius Heyward-Bay (Maryland): Even with more highly regarded receivers on the board, the Raiders surprise everyone and select Heyward-Bay. This is obviously a cry for help from Al Davis.
   
8. Jacksonville Jaguars- OT Eugene Monroe (Virginia): With OT Eben Britton from Arizona taken in the second round, the Jaguars are stockpiling O-linemen as they look to go to a permanent power-I formation.
   
9. Green Bay Packers- DT B.J. Raji (Boston College): This guy sounds like he could summon a genie. I think B.J. stands for 'Black Jack' because that's his favorite game because 21 is also his age.
   
10. San Fransisco 49ers- WR Michael Crabtree (Texas Tech): Apples come from apple trees, so it would logically follow that crab apples come from crab trees. I don't know what that means, but the 2-time Biletnikoff winner should revive memories of Jerry Rice for 49er fans.
    
11. Buffalo Bills- DE Aaron Maybin (Penn State): Even with Texas DE Brian Orakpo still on the board, the Bills stick with the undersized Maybin. Perhaps they thought that he could adjust to frigid temperatures better. Perhaps they though that he could keep Terrell Owens under control. What ever they were thinking, it didn't make sense.
12. Denver Broncos- RB Knowshon Moreno (Georgia): With Stafford, Georgia has the first quarterback/ running back taken in the draft, the first time this has happened since Vinnie Testaverde and Alonzo Highsmith were taken from Miami in 1987.
13. Washington Redskins- DE Brian Orakpo (Texas): There were signs of a defense in the Big 12, after all.
    
14. New Orleans- CB Malcom Jenkins (Ohio State): Saints fans should be wary that Buckeyes tend to swell up in the southern humidity and run like a hippo in pancake batter. Mmmm... waffle runoff.
    
15. Houston Texans- OLB Brian Cushing (USC): The first of the three trio of astounding USC linebackers to be taken off the board. Unexpectedly, however, Rey Maualuga was not taken in the first round, despite a convincing Troy Polamalu impression.
    
16. San Diego Chargers- DE Larry English (Northern Illinois): Why do people keep drafting players out of Northern Illinois? I don't even know where that is. I know that it is not in England.
    
17. Tampa Bay Buccaneers- QB Josh Freeman (Kansas State): Freeman had a good enough season to be considered the eleventh best starting quarterback in the Big 12. He has the last laugh by being the first selected.
    
18. Denver Broncos- DE Robert Ayers (Tennessee): Ayers claim to glory was almost sacking Florida quarterback Tim Tebow. He was just happy that he almost got to touch Tim Tebow.
    
19. Philadelphia Eagles- WR Jeremy Maclin (Missouri): The Eagles get a steal considering Maclin was expected to be taken in the top 10 picks. He is possibly the most versitile reciever availible with the ability to run back punts, kicks, and catch a ball thrown from a four-foot-tall quarterback.
    
20. Detroit Lions- TE Brandon Pettigrew (Oklahoma): Typical of the hybrid TE/WR player, Pettigrew can line-up anywhere on the field. He can also run on either gasoline or a solar-powered battery, making him more environmentally-friendly.
    
21. Cleveland Browns- C Alex Mack (California): You traded down your first pick to the Jets so you could get a center? Seriously, what a typical Browns move.
    
22. Minnesota Vikings- WR Percy Harvin (Florida): Constantly hampered by injuries, Harvin assures scouts that he can play hurt. Michael Crabtree jokes about running a 40 with crutches, Percy Harvin actually does it.
23. Baltimore Ravens- OT Michael Oher (Ole Miss): Mississippi was the only team that was able to beat the national champion Florida Gators last year. I don't know what they did, but it worked.
    
24. Atlanta Falcons- DT Peria Jerry (Ole Miss): True to their word, the Falcons focus on the defensive side of the ball by taking a consective Rebel. The only problem with this guy is that his first and last names are reversed.
    
25. Miami Dolphins- CB Vonte Davis (Illinios): The Dolphins had the No. 1 pick in last year's draft. That worked out pretty well. How can you go wrong with a guy named Vonte the Fighting Illini.
    
26. Green Bay Packers- OLB Clay Matthews III (USC): The second Trojan 'backer to be picked, Matthews comes from a football family. His father and grandfather both played in the NFL and his mother was a regular in the Canadian league.
    
27. Indianapolis Colts- RB Donald Brown (UConn): The nation's leading rusher last year, there were some questions about his abilities at the next level, especially considering the competition at Connecticut. I mean, Rutgers only uses eight guys on defense.
    
28. Buffalo Bills- C Eric Wood (Louisville): What good things can you say about an offensive lineman? He threw no interceptions last year and led the conference in pancakes [eaten].
    
29. New York Giants- WR Hakeem Nicks (UNC): Nicks was picked souly based on his ability to perform circus catches.
30. Tennessee Titans- WR Kenny Britt (Rutgers): I'm sorry about that thing I said earlier about Rutgers.
    
31. Arizona Cardinals- RB Chris "Beanie" Wells (Ohio State): You know how all the Cardinals fans were upset about lousing the Super Bowl? Well now the joke's on Pittsburg because they have to pick last and Arizona just picked up a guy who is nicknamed after a knit cap.
    
32. Pittsburg Steelers- DT Evander "Ziggy" Hood (Missouri): Apparently, the Steelers were also picking based on nicknames. This guy sounds like a zebra and moves like one, too.