Just Masterful

According to legend, when transcendentalist poet Henry David Thoreau was in school at Harvard during the 1830s, he was so rebellious that he insisted upon wearing a green jacket when the custom called for a black jacket.

Led by similar indiscretions, Thoreau would eventually be forced to live as a hermit near a pond in Massachusetts.

Ironic that years later the most exclusive and conservative club in the country should dispense a similar green jacket to the winner of their annual tournament. Unfortunately, the jacket started out white and has only become green because a significant lack of 'feminine touch' means that it has never been washed.

One of the last remnants of a string of 'Boys Only' associations, the Augusta National Golf Club was founded by Clifford Roberts and Bobby Jones in 1934 after an unfortunate 'smooching indecent' left Jones inconsolable. Located in rustic Augusta, Ga, the club plays host to the Masters Tournament every April.

The club itself remains very exclusive as it only has around 300 members at any time. Members include Bill Gates, Warren Buffett, and until he was stranded on a fictional island in the 1960s, Thurston Howell III. The course par, just like the average age of club members, is 72.

As for the tournament, The Masters is described as "a tradition like no other," because in most other traditions we can think do not involve plaid and of you don't have to quiet the whole time. For some reason, there's also less emphasis on food.

Like an honorary first pitch in baseball, the tournament begins with a meaningless opening drive by a past champion. Be assured that fans will cheer even if the old man is not able to get the ball off of the tee.

This year, Tiger Woods is the favorite to win the tournament because he is able to walk again, which is saying a great deal for a sport where people usually drive around in carts and John Daly is allowed to play. Woods first won the tournament in 1997 at the age of 21, making him the youngest player to win in Augusta.

Although 21, Tiger had been too busy practicing his swing to have tried alchol yet. By that time, however, Daly had already corroded his liver.

If he's nice, Tiger will fall behind in the early rounds, not to give others a chance to win, but to give himself a chance for a more dramatic come from behind victory. If he times it right, we can expect a post-walk-off-putt celebration from the Tiger.

With that said, I'll leave you with the immortal words of Carl Spackler:

"Cinderella story. Outta nowhere. A former greenskeeper, now, about to become the Masters champion. It looks like a mirac... It's in the hole! It's in the hole! It's in the hole!"