This isn't the Year

After years of continued reckless optimism, fans of the Chicago Cubs baseball franchise have given up.

"We've keep saying that 'This'll be the year,' but it never has been," said a die-hard Cubs fan, who understandably wished to remain anonymous. "I just don't think we can do it this time around."

Know as the 'Lovable Losers,' the Cubs have, for some reason, one of the most devoted fan bases in major league baseball. Even belligerent Chicagoans have their limits, however.

"By this time, we know all about the [explicative] goat-curse, but this is beginning to get ridiculous," said another unnamed Chicago native. "You'd think that a curse would have worn off by now. The Red Sox have gotten two championships recently. It's time we faced the fact that we just aren't that good."

The Cubs franchise has the longest ever championship drought for any professional North American team in any sport. Even the Kansas City Royals were able to squeak one out since the Cubs won it all back in 1908.

"I just hope that [explicative] Milton Bradley didn't put some other sort of curse on us," said manager Lou Piniella of the controversial Chicago outfielder.

"[Explicative] are just plain [explicative]," explained Ozzie Guillen, manager of the cross-town Chicago White Sox. The Sox last won the World Series in 2005. "[Explicative] [explicative]. They suck."

Cubs fans haven't given up hope entirely. They simply relinquish that they will not win anything of significance this upcoming season. There is always hope for the distant future, but the immediate future does not bode well.

"I just don't see us contending." said Piniella. "As a franchise, we have absolutely no luck. I probably shouldn't be saying this as the team's manager, but I'm old and frankly I don't give a frying [explicative]."

"It's about time they realized it," said Bradley, who hopes to be traded to another team almost as badly as the Cubs want him gone. "If they're pegging me as a franchise player, that's a desperate group."

The fan base is looking forward to not feeling the pressure of winning. By folding pre-season, they can relax and spend time considering other teams to root for. Their new motto is 'The year after next year is the year.' There's always a chance that they could win, but no one's getting their hopes up.

"You know, there are more important things than baseball," said an unnamed baseball executive. "Hey, at least we're not the Pirates."